Pug, Grass, and Men in Black.

I really need to cut the grass but it’s so hot today and tomorrow is going to be even hotter. Im actually sweating just looking out the window in my air conditioned office.  Does it really matter if I cut it today or tomorrow or even the next day? I can cut my grass anytime I feel its time, as long as it stays under 12 inches.

            Why 12 inches you ask? Good question. Here’s your answer. Chesterfield County said so! Yep you got it. If you let your grass grow over 12 inches in the county and live on less then one half of an acre, you can be slapped with a $100 fine, but wait there’s more! With your brand new fine the county will include just for you an extra $35 administrative fee! Plus if you don’t cut now, you get this fine hand delivered!

            I wonder how that would go down. I can see myself at the dinner table with Pooh and the Bean when the door bell rings. I grudgingly excuse myself from my plate of filet mignon and main lobster tail, better know as Salisbury steak and left over tuna from lunch, and head towards the door.

            Even before I grab the handle I have already gone over all the excuses in my head. Yes I know Jesus loves me, no Im sorry, Im fat and don’t need ten boxes of Girl Scout cookies (Yes I would buy that many boxes!), and finally, for the love of God man Im eating left over tuna from my lunch for dinner! Do you really think I can afford new windows and doors?

            Imagine my surprise when it wouldn’t be any of these disrupting my dinner, but instead it would be a man dressed in all black with dark sunglasses.

           

            “Are you Mr. Barth?” County man would ask.

            “Yes and who might you be?” I would reply.

            “Im with the Chesterfield County Administration Office. Are you the primary resident?”

            “Um…yes.”

            “This is for you.”

            “Yay, what did I win?”

            “A fine.”

            “A fine…china set? No, a fine 51 inch LCD TV!”

            “Your grass is over twelve inches. Twelve and one quarter inch over to be exact sir.”

            “What? I received a fine for my grass, are you kidding me?”

            “No sir, it’s dangerous. Too dangerous. It’s tall enough to harbor dangerous animals.”

            “I live in the county! What kind of dangerous animal could get in my fenced  yard?”

            “Do I hear snorting? You don’t have a pig in your backyard there do you sir?”

            “No, it’s my pug.”

            “You have dog’s sir?”

            “Well I did, I do, I mean Im not sure.”

            “Sir?”

            “I let her out two days ago and she hasn’t been able to find her way back to the deck. Not yet.”

            “Grass too high sir?”

            “Yea, by a quarter inch I guess.”

            “Please cut your grass sir.”

            I guess I should cut the grass. It is rather tall, besides I really miss the pug and after two days of being lost in the back yard Im sure she is pretty hungry.